The most Baseball baseball names (A&B)

Yesterday at 09:00 AM

where i embark on a lengthy quest to mention every baseball-y baseball name but only get through over 2,000 names

First off, Merry Christmas. And Happy Holidays. How's that for a mixed message.

This is my most grinchy, bah humbug Christmas ever, and I invite you to join me in drinking some mulled wine and reminiscing about... whatever. If you're here on Christmas day with me, something has probably run amok. I hope it was not too bad if that's the case.

This is the first year I won't be able to spend Christmas with my family, which means I will be missing my remaining siblings and my stepfather, a niece who is a grade school teacher, and my awesome Airforce veteran nephew. I was an uncle at 7. At this point in my life at 49 years old and the son of older parents and childless, I am starting to feel the other side of Christmas. What the lonely feel, and the lost, and anyone who is brought grief because of this time of year. Hell, my own mother died Christmas night. My remaining family are a lot of what I have in life. It saddens me to miss them, but I will make a point of it to visit as soon as life (and time) permits.

Yesterday was my birthday and by golly, I'm going to drink some spiced wine for Christmas. I worked on my birthday. I am being forced not to work today, since everything is closed. I desperately need to work, because as one of many underpaid essential workers, each work day is well, essential. Especially if you do not get any paid time off. But, it is good to be forced into solitude this year. I need it. And there's no choice. And that spiced wine.

I hope your holiday isn't as depressing as mine, but if it is, I am here with you today. Dear reader, I have prepared something special.

I am here to talk to you about the topic of the most "baseball" sounding baseball player names. I have unearthed some attributes of what make up the most baseball sounding real life MLB names. One trait is that the name almost sounds fake, or unreal, as pointed out by Ballpark Savvy. If the name sounds like a made up fictional or joke name, a stage name for a rock star/celebrity, or even a drug dealer's alias, etc... it might not actually be faux! It might be a real life major league baseball player.

Or maybe it just sounds flat out absurd. Like how could anyone POSSIBLY combine those two words AND actually NAME them that!? Or maybe it is more sublime, and the name just somehow exudes the sport of baseball, for reasons not easily explained.

After starting this massive undertaking, I've noticed one thing that is fairly consistent... it often starts with the first name. If the first name gets things off to a wild start, the last name can be boring or normal. Conversely, at times the first name can be something like John but then end in Rocker. That's a terrible example because I kind of hate the player, but the example works well enough. Rocker John.

Lastly, when you read a very BASEBALL baseball name, you just know the person is going to be a character. And often times the most charactery of characters are baseball players, somehow. Mike Shannon, for instance!

Without further adieu, here is my stupid long list of names that I thought, hey, that sounds like a baseball player! It probably helped that I already knew they were going to be baseball players going in.

The most baseball-y baseball players names ever, A&B last name (rating /10 included):

• Ed Abbaticchio the two letter name "ed" and then abbaticchio… i mean, how can you not include this name on this list? 9.5
• Ody Abbott i ALMOST did not include this, but the one two two syllable punch got me 6
• Chance Adams i can just see this guy taking a chance on the basepaths 7
• Al Alburquerque omg I just cannot… ok this is much in line with the appeal of Ed Abbaticchio but even more intense somehow 9.6
• Blaze Alexander there were many good baseball names with the last name of Alexander but this one Blazed to the head of the pack 9.2
• Chuffie Alexander and then there's Chuffie 8.5
• Moisés Alou his name sounds moist and his hands were covered in… you're in luck, this is a baseball-y baseball name! 7
• Whitey Alpermann i can just hear some old timey announcer saying his name 6
• Porfi Altamirano this is maybe next level, i cannot even 9.4
• Henderson Alvarez III i think any odd combination of two names plus the 2nd or 3rd just has me on that hook, yknow? 8.3
• Nacho Alvarez Jr. Now that's a baseball name! 8.9
• Max Alvis sounds like Max Elvis but it's something completely different, uncanny 7
• Adbert Alzolay Adbert? Alzolay? Ok! 8.5
• Doc Amole A mole? I had some removed! Doc is going to be tough to turn down 6.6
• Alf Anderson I think I just have to show you guys that there's a human named Alf 8.4
• Bubbles Anderson Anderson is such a normal last name and then you throw Bubbles in front of it… 8.5
• Fast Ball Anderson what? OK Fast Ball! now that's some chin music 7.5
• Fireman Anderson Fireman? is he a fireman? and plays baseball too? what a ruffian! 7.5
• Goat Anderson ok, there are so many Andersons that I think they're just trying to get noticed 6.8
• Joaquín Andújar I just cannot fathom a name even remotely close to this outside of baseball 7.7
• Rick Ankiel it just rolls off the tongue but also clicks, and what is an Ankiel? 6.3
• Cap Anson another gangster sounding name, somehow (he can start a crew with Ed Abbaticchio and Al Albuquerque) 9
• Rugger Ardizoia i'm in awe 9
• Hipolito Arenas huh, i don't even know what to say 9
• Randy Arozarena we have to have a Randy on here, don't we? Honorable mention to Randy Asadoor see yourself out oh wait you're a door now 7.9
• Tug Arundel Tug has to be on this! 6.8
• Paul Assenmacher i mean, how can we leave that name off of here? 7.2
• Doc Ayers the second Doc and he sounds even more baseball name somehow 6.2
• Shooty Babit i can do nothing but smile and chuckle about this 8.9
• Burke Badenhop uhhhh, if that's not a baseball name, I don't know what is 9
• Harrison Bader not the best example on the list, but his name does not disappoint 6.7
• Babe Bagby sounds like Babe Ruth's little brother or something idk 6.8
• Dusty Baker yep, that's a baseball name all right 6.5
• Home Run Baker hey if there's a guy named Fast Ball I guess there's gotta be a guy named Home Run 8.7
• Luken Baker i think his name might be why he's got some hype 8.5
• Rod Barajas just sounds like a hitter you don't want to face 8.8
• Skeeter Barnes hey it's a summer sport 6.9
• Daric Barton kinda sounded like he would be a baseball player but was more of an aerospace scientist or something 6.2
• Pepper Bassett yeah, that's just an unlikely combination of words, baseball player name! 8.9
• Antonio Bastardo we gotta have some Antonio Bastardo on here! 9.6
• Cool Papa Bell one of the best baseball names ever 10
• Bugs Bennett very much so 9.8
• Rabbit Benton bunny baseball 9.2
• Cannonball Berry fuck yeah 9.9
• Damon Berryhill not sure why but Damon Berryhill just exudes baseball 8.1
• Mookie Betts one of the more baseball baseball names in the game today 9
• Bo Bichette it's so baseball 9.2
• Dante Bichette even moreso 9.5
• Craig Biggio yeah… his last name even hints at the big leagues 7.2
• Dick Billings way to go, Dick Billings 6.1
• Bert Blyleven yeah, another BB name! 6.3
• Xander Bogaerts this list would not be complete without X.B. 9.2
• Skye Bolt baseball players usually don't want any sky bolts but, Skye Bolt surely cannot be omitted 9.3
• Jeremy Bonderman idk, it's not a name you hear every day 7
• Barry Bonds he just sounds like a supervillain and you gotta love that 6.8
• Jung Bong heh heh, bong 6.9
• Bobby Bonilla what a name, what a legacy 7.3
• Boof Bonser yesssssssssss! 8.8
• Buddy Booker so many BBs! 8.2
• John Boozer heh, boozer 8.6
• Oil Can Boyd one of the most baseball baseball name greats! 10
• Bunny Brief how can I not include Bunny Brief? And another BB! 9.6
• Jackie Brown a good Tarantino movie, AND a baseball player! 8.5
• Bill Brubaker is that a drummer's name? Or a baseball player? 7.9
• A.J. Burnett the name just exudes baseball name 8.7
• Bullet Joe Bush I can only imagine the stories of Bullet Joe 9.8

It took a while to just get through A&B! But C is going to get it's own list.

Album Hall of Fame

Now let me take the time to introduce you to one of the perfect albums in my life. No bad tracks, an album man's album from start to finish. The good shit.

I've been rather focused on my favorite genres, heavy metal, jazz, electronic music, and alt hiphop so far, so I will now make a big sidestep into some other musical terrain...

Dan Hicks and His Hot Licks - 'Last Train to Hicksville' (youtube music)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kLBCDthgVI&list=PLUYRjYZaeWNzqM5BIyohY7a83PAVKoFAe (regular youtube)

Dan Hicks and His Hot Licks is a big traveling band playing gypsy jazz, country and western, and a small dose of exotica. Dan Hicks is the band leader and lead singer, but he has some lovely singers backing him up, who also play percussion. This is a full band and when you hear them, it shows. I had the pleasure of seeing them perform live before he passed away in 2016, and that was one of the most magical shows I have ever seen (at the Abbey Pub in Chicago).

Hicks was an American original from Little Rock, Arkansas originally, but moved near San Francisco before he grew up, as a military brat. His style had roots in folk music but branched out into country, rock and roll, swing, all rolled up into a jazzy presentation with sophisticated drumming and a tenacity few bands that would blend acoustic instruments with electric could match in such a format.

The Hot Licks sounded like they practiced every day in an age where few bands with busy schedules would ever accomplish. But this band had been around since the 60s so it came as second nature to be top notch musicians. They still must've practiced a ton though.

It's funny posting about 'Last Train To Hicksville' today because I want most to be with my family in a smaller town than this one. But hey, no trains went straight to Rock Island from St Louis, unfortunately. And many buses wanted to route me through Chicago first. After a year like this, I think it will be nice to just stay inside and isolate with VEB. Thanks for reading. Happy Holidays! And Merry Christmas. Or whatever.