Quinten Post has earned a nickname

03/13/2025 09:30 AM

The 52nd overall pick is making real contributions, and thus deserves a name that's cooler than "Quinten"

To say that Quinten Post has been a nice surprise for the Golden State Warriors this season is disrespectful to the rookie center, and to surprises. He's more than an unexpected quarter in the change return of a vending machine, or two curly fries mixed in with your regular fries, or an odor-free BART car. Post has a gorgeous three-point shot (41.7% on the season), a willingness to set hard screens, and passable team defense.

What he doesn't have yet is an official nickname. There's an obvious one that comes to mind, given his last name, but we think the Warriors' new sweet-shooting big man can do better. We have some ideas.

The Postman

His name is Post, hence, he's a Postman. But there's a few issues with this one, primarily that he thrives outside of the post. He's really more like Quinten Stretch Five, if you're analyzing his offensive game, since almost 60% of his shots come from beyond the arc.

"Postman" is simply an unexciting word, unless you're a member of the Marvelettes in a long-distance relationship. A postman is known for their reliability (good) and also flipping out violently at the workplace (bad). According to his LinkedIn profile, Post maintained better than a 3.0 GPA while earning his sociology degree, so he could likely pass the civil service exam with no problem.

"The Postman" is also a Kevin Costner film that earned five Golden Raspberry Awards for being one of the worst films of 1998. Warner Brothers unsuccessfully tried to get Costner to cut it down from its 177-minute running time, but he refused. Post is far from a disappointment, and his extended length is actually one of his attributes!

Here's the main problem: "Postman" is a British phrase. American has letter carriers, and mailmen. The NBA already has a "Mailman." His name is Karl Malone, and he is cancelled. Unlike Malone, Post has an age-appropriate love interest, and though he's only played one Sunday game in his young NBA career, he did deliver on Sunday, putting up 10 points, six boards, and three assists February 23.

The Postal Service

For anyone who was not compulsively reading Pitchfork in the early 2000's or hasn't seen the film "Garden State," the Postal Service was a duo featuring vocalist Ben Gibbard from Death Cab For Cutie and Jimmy Tamborello, AKA Dntel. Their most famous song is "Such Great Heights," which is about being in love and not about being seven feet tall.

This nickname might be a little niche, and not quite fitting. Post's range makes him difficult to cover. The Postal Service's songsarefrequentlycovered. The Postal Service was a two-person act (with help from Jenny Lewis), and Post doesn't really have one partner on the Dubs. Plus, the Postal Service put out just one album — Post shouldn't have to worry he only has one masterpiece in him.

Dutch Crunch

Where is Post from? The Netherlands. What does he do on screens? Crunch opponents,. What kind of sandwich bread is wildly popular in the Bay Area and virtually nowhere else? Dutch Crunch.

This nickname is hyper-regional and complimentary, though it doesn't refer to Post's signature skill of three-point shooting. It's in the great tradition of nicknames for European players, like "The Greek Freak" (Giannis Antetokounmpo), "The Flying Dutchman" (Rik Smits), "The French Rejection" (Rudy Gobert), the "The Hick From French Lick" — wait, not that last one.

Double-Double Dutch

This one is honors Post's heritage, but he probably needs to get 10 rebounds in a game at least once before he can be Double-Double Dutch, a nickname that makes this writer think about how badly injured he would be if he attempted even a single Dutch with jump rope.

The Quinjet

Primarily known as the Avengers plane, the Quinjet has five turbojet engines, flies at twice the speed of sound, and can land and take off vertically. Do these qualities fit Post? Not really, though neither the NBA nor Marvel are shy about attempting product tie-ins.

Whipping Post

If NBA players had walk-up music like baseball players, "Whipping Post" by the Allman Brothers would be a pretty sweet choice for the Warriors' rookie center. A whipping post itself is a medieval punishment device, providing the dual displeasures of public humiliation and, well, whipping. Fun fact! The state of Delaware only abolished whipping posts in 1972!

He is going to have to start punishing his opponents more, or at least start whipping passes across the court to earn this nickname.

Poster Child

Post is a rookie, but he's turning 25 in a week. It's a little hard to dub him a child when he's only the fifth-youngest player on the roster. It's not clear what he'd be the poster child for — creative facial hair decisions?

Q-Anon

Steve Kerr spoke at the Democratic Convention. Steph Curry endorsed Kamala Harris. Now the Warriors have a chance to reach across the aisle. Way, way across the aisle.

Think of the excitement of Bob Fitzgerald breathlessly describing Post's three-point bombs as "Q Drops" and shouting "The storm is coming!" whenever he gets on a hot streak. Thousands of people on the internet would be analyzing every interview and Instagram "post" for clues. And then one day, he can be elected to Congress!

Kewpie Mayo

Post's initials are Q.P., which is how you pronounce the name of Japan's most popular brand of mayonnaise. This one works. He's white. He helps spread the defense. You wouldn't want a dish that's just made of Q.P., but as a complement to the main pieces, well, that could be delightful.

His game might seem ordinary, but just as Kewpie Mayo has a "unique blend of vinegar," Post can get a little spicy out there on the court.

Look, we don't have to decide right now. Pick your favorite or share your own nickname suggestions in the comments.