Cardinals 5, Twins 3: Nootbaar had fun, López did not

03/27/2025 08:39 PM

His name is Lars, he hits balls fars

Pablo López continues his struggles of late last season and early this spring. Cardinals LF Lars Nootbaar, who is very good at getting on base, does that plus more. Inning-by-inning notes:

1: I keep forgetting Matt Wallner is One Of Us, from Forest Lake. You know what else is from Forest Lake? NOTHING. I mean it. I looked up "things to do in Forest Lake" and a tourist website suggested that you gotta dine at a Keys. We have those here. and less mosquitos. Screw Forest Lake.

Chewy nougaty Lars Nootbaar gets a leadoff single and a balk to second so the Twins already suck this year, surprising me NOT AT ALL. He will score, and the Twins will lose, and everything stinks including Forest Lake. Not the Browns 1-0

2: Trevor Larnach has battled turf toe, which is not a painful injury caused by sprained foot muscles. It's when you don't wash your feet for months and they turn green. He should wash them, but he thinks the smell is Pheromonal.

Anyhoo he gets a hit. So does Ty France, his first since 2022. (Not really, but he wasn't hitting much the last few years). Then Willi Castro walks. Bases loaded!

What do you think happens? It happened. I'm not gonna describe it because I got bored describing it last year. Anyways this team sucks like Forest Lake.

Unfortunately, López commits a lousy error. Happily, it doesn't matter, since it only advanced the guy one base, and Nootbaar hit a dang homer anyways. Pujolios 3-0

3: Wallner fails again. Someone on a Forest Lake "review site" wrote: "Horrible, It horribly cold and we never get snow days. Its extremely unfair. The school is under construction and nothing is working." Yeah! F U FOREST LAKE

Leadoff Cardinal gets another hit, because López met a kid in the hospital and asked him what he wanted, and the kid said "please be really terrible your first game, my Daddy has money on it and we can't afford chitlins." López hates hospital children but is pitching terrible anyways, Musials 4-0

4: The Twins strike out like a guy trying to dance with a beautiful woman, and woo her and sweep her off her feet, when she's smart and funny and everything he's ever dreamed of, but he's got no shot because he's from Forest Lake.

5: Runs! For the Twins! Courtesy of... Harrison Bader? Who? He was a Cardinal from 2017-2022. Per Wiki: "He is the first cousin of Vampire Weekend bassist Chris Baio, as well as a first cousin once removed of actor Scott Baio." When he lived in St. Louis, he teamed with Sonic (a fast food chain) to sell "Bader Tots," which were tater tots covered with chili, cheese, ranch, onions and jalapenos. Mmm! Anywyas he hits a homer with his chili tot fart power. Dizzy Deans 4-2

6: Two Twins on and Ty France almost doubles them home except for a fantastic catch by Victor Scott II.

I choose to pronounce his name "Wikktor" like Cloris Leachman in Young Frankenstein and if he doesn't like it then he can send me a pony and I'll stop.

Willi Castro knocks one of the runners in. It's closer!

It's time to see the new, improved Louis Varland? He switched to full-time reliever in September last year, with mixed results. He throws pretty hard, and escapes a jam of his own devising. Ozzie Smiths 4-3

7: Barely-past-rookie-status Chris Roycroft shuts the Twins down like they're the only decent restaurant in Forest Lake... which would be the Keys, I guess. The very polluting Cole Sands does his job for Minnesota.

8: Trevor Larnach wants to try, so he gets on, and barely-still-rookie DaShawn Keirsey runs for him, and steals second. But the Twins can't score, which means they're facing Ryan Helsley next inning, and RosterResource lists him as the #2 reliever in baseball, even if his last name is spelled annoyingly. Uh-oh.

Griffin Jax gives up his first homer of the season. More uh-oh. At least it's by Nelson Arenado, who was the subject of a zillion trade rumors in the offseason. So he gets a curtain call moment. That's kinda nice! This inning continues for 100 frickin' hours, but the Cards don't make it any more than 5-3

9: no

Per Atteberry, the Cardinals fans booed the team's GM when he was introduced in pregame ceremonies. I LIKE that idea. We should do that! Home opener next Thursday...

Studs of the Game: Harrison Bader, I guess. Duds: López so far this spring, Twins front office so far since they started the job

Comment of the Gamethread goes to imakesandwichesforaliving for "'First "This Day in Twins History" on the radio for this regular season is the death of Bob Casey. Is this foreshadowing?'" Yes.

No game tomorrow, so the Twins can dwell on what it's gonna be like to suck worse than Forest Lake all dang year. Saturday has Joe Ryan and Erick Fedde going at 1:15.

Thanks to everyone on the gamethread, see ya next time!