Astros 13, Twins 12: Rally? Bye, in ashes
07/05/2024 11:46 PM
From not a chance to HOLY COW THEY MIGHT to a popped balloon.
Good morning/evening, ladies & gents & non-binary folks.
I wrote most of the parody below when the score was 13-5, only for the Twins to put up seven runs in the bottom of the ninth — including a Carlos Correa grand slam off Josh Hader to put the Twins to within one — before Manuel Margot whiffed to end it.
But as I took my sleep meds (which for some reason take an hour or more to kick in) around 45 minutes ago, I'm not rewriting this.
So note that the downer sentiments expressed below are somewhat mitigated by the exciting ending, even if the conclusion was a letdown.)
This was a cruddy ending,
At last they call game;
No use in us pretending:
One crappy ballgame.
Come into the ballpark, Pablo's on the mound;
Still at the start where our hope is found.
But everything that happened, it naturally went wrong,
Mmm, the innings pass before us, and we have to chug along.
We matched their three in second by the end of third;
But further anguish beckoned; soon this game would prove a massive turd.
Iiiiiiiii... don't know what I'm watching;
Each guyyyyyyyyyy... botching every play.
This Houston rout unending,
They whooped us all game.
Their score will keep ascending
This crappy ballgame.
Ten o'clock in the evening, still we're in the ninth;
We've answered twice, they clock us around.
At least Miranda got his streak up to ten;
Hope he gets up tomorrow to bat and can do it again.
In terms of STUDS, it's just he, and Brooks and Kepler too;
The rest were wholly rusty; DUDS, our pitching; all was rancid poo.
Iiiiiiiii... feel like I could vomit,
But fiiiiiiiiiiind... Comment of the Game.
Oh Iiiiiiiii'm... (What's in my brain is blending, it's done so all game)
giving it to Lincoln. (These dragging hours we're spending, mean crappy ballgame.)
'Cause Iiiiiiiii'm... (Whatever else is pending? No mind, we'll call game.)
...thinkin' this is best. (This lengthy time's extending this crappy ballgame.)
[NOTE: This is the entire "Little bit of love" section and final chorus, repeated with a crescendo of a choir. For reasons elaborated in the preamble, I'm skipping it and going right to the finish:]
But still this team's contending;
They battled all game.
Let's hope tomorrow's pending
No crappy ballgame.
