Dwyane Wade, Cristiano Ronaldo and the worst sports statues of all time, ranked

10/29/2024 03:54 PM

Let’s be honest — it wasn’t a great week to be Oscar León or Omri Amrany, the artists responsible for the debacle of a Dwyane Wade statue in Miami. It’s also not a great week to be Aaron Judge, The Washington Post or racist comedian Tony Hinchcliffe — but that’s neither here nor there. Let’s focus on statues for the present discussion. And not just any statues — the WOATs! That’s right, the following is a definitive ClutchPoints list of the Worst Sports Statues of All-Time, ranked (and spoiler alert: Dwyane Wade, you top the list — it’s that bad)!

5. Harry Caray

A statue of former Chicago Cubs broadcaster Harry Caray sits outside the center field bleachers at Wrigley Field.

The ghost-like faces at the bottom are meant to represent the club's loyal fan base, but Caray looks as though he's trudging through a thick bog of tortured souls. pic.twitter.com/CvvzP21IxY

— Bad Spit (@BadSpit) September 9, 2024

The Chicago Cubs’ legendary broadcaster Harry Caray was one quirky dude, so no one expected his statue to be entirely mundane — but the way he’s infamously immortalized outside the center field bleachers at Wrigley Field is downright bizarre.

Caray looks like the villain of a poorly-hashed Ghostbusters sequel named Mike Drop, who drops his microphone on unsuspecting victims with the help of his legion of creepy spirits that emanate out of his legs.

Apparently, Caray is actually just holding out his microphone to lead Cubs’ fans in their traditional seventh-inning stretch rendition of Take Me Out to the Ball Game, and the disturbingly positioned pants ghosts are meant to represent all of his adoring Chicago area listeners. But as Caray would say, “Holy cow!” — this one really missed the mark.

4. Stephon Marbury

Stephon Marbury is beloved in China for bringing the Beijing Ducks their first Chinese Basketball Association championship, and then two more to go with it. Unfortunately, Marbury wasn’t able to be recognized as MVP for bringing the Ducks these accolades, because the CBA has a rule preventing foreign-born players from winning the award. So Marbury’s millions of adoring fans promptly voted to give him a statue instead.

That’s all well and good… if the statue turns out good. If not, it basically just adds insult to injury. The merits of the Marbury statue are up for debate, but if you ask me it looks like a generic suburban dad excitedly holding up a trophy for coaching his kid’s peewee team to the rec league championships, with little to no resemblance of the actual Stephon Marbury. On the bright side, it’s still definitely better than the Dwayne Wade statue.

3. Allen Iverson

Every time I see an athlete statue like Dirk or Jerry West, I'm appalled that this is Allen Iverson's statue. #NBApic.twitter.com/EoJcbaJoaH

— SportsBusinessRadio (@SBRadio) June 13, 2024

Allen Iverson was a larger-than-life figure in the NBA during his time with the Philadelphia 76ers, a city already known for its impressive sports statues! Why then did they choose to immortalize AI with the teeny tiniest little statue imaginable? If this is the amount of real estate the city had apportioned for the project, they would have been better off making a statue of Lil’ Penny instead — because a miniature version of Penny Hardaway in a city he has no connection to would still make more sense than what we have here!

The real reasoning for the statue’s diminutive frame is that it’s part of a larger collection along Legends Walk, outside the 76ers practice facility, where AI is found alongside other Philadelphia 76ers greats. But he still looks small by comparison due to his crossover pose. And times change — statues should increase in size relative to inflation! Bigger is better!

Maybe they should have gone with the Iverson stepping over Ty Lue pose. Regardless, it’s still better to be tiny in statue form than to be labelled as Dwayne Wade when you’re clearly not Dwayne Wade.

2. Cristiano Ronaldo

Cristiano Ronaldo was honored with a statue and OMG it’s nightmare fuel https://t.co/yWj5a26I73pic.twitter.com/goeGg7rzSz

— BuzzFeed (@BuzzFeed) March 29, 2017

If your toddler were assigned to make a bust of soccer great Cristiano Ronaldo in preschool, it would probably turn out better than this one — which morphed this legend of the pitch into a smiling doofus that gave the internet endless fits and giggles when it came out.

However, this statue doesn’t top the list for one reason — the artist took the criticism to heart and re-did the statue, and the remake came out looking much more like Ronaldo. That’s all we can ask for in this world, from our statue artists or any leaders for that matter — to admit when you make a mistake, take steps to correct it and do better the next time. This worthy do-over narrowly averts claiming the top spot on this list, which instead goes to…

1. Dwyane Wade

BREAKING: The Dwyane Wade statue.

(h/t @ohnohedidnt24) pic.twitter.com/hgZUuZa5SJ

— Hoop Central (@TheHoopCentral) October 27, 2024

Again, did you see this thing?! I don’t know who the angry guy at the top of Dwyane Wade’s body is on that statue, but it’s certainly not D-Wade. Dwyane Wade’s body language and expression as he took in the bronze opposite-of-a-masterpiece is priceless, as is his reported question of “who is that guy?” at the unveiling.

There’s nothing wrong with choosing Wade’s “This is my house” moment as his statue pose — but as is, this is one house Dwyane might want to consider putting on the market. Otherwise, Pat Riley needs to call the league for a “play review” on this one and get Dwyane Wade a proper new, more accurate face for his statue stat.

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